PopeMobile

Brooks shot this picture of the PopeMobile passing the White House. You can see the Pope.

But when the PopeMobile passed me at DuPont Circle this afternoon there were sirens and an entourage, but no Pope. The PopeMobile was empty! Gasp!

The beautiful moment came when I saw my own reflection bouncing back from the bullet proof glass window. That image made me smile.

Help me, my attention span is...Did you hear how...What?

Ever wonder how much energy fish used to grow legs? Answer: A lot.

Why do you already know this? Because while you're not growing legs, you are growing something ... and dare I surmise that "growing" anything takes a whole lot of energy.

But since you probably hate this metaphor, I'll make my 2nd point quickly: Those fish were probably STRESSED OUT trying to get out of the pond and onto land. Could be that they were, indeed, even chased out. Even worse, they probably had no idea that they were growing legs.

Are you growing something evolutionarily useful these days, something like, "tolerance" or "endurance" ???

What about "focus?" Is that trait still useful? Or have our attention spans been sliced and diced into something less useful than a late-night pitch product on the cable channels. I know I type-pad so much that my handwriting has atrophied...but my typing has really improved.

Oops, gotta go, a device beckons. Lemme see who. Oh, that was my husband's device. Shit, I just spilled my coffee. Ugh, oh well no biggie, I'm back now. Fresh cup. Okay, so. Oh? Um. It was like - oh,

Where was I?

Sometimes it just takes time

Playful died yesterday. Move on, some will urge, "He's just a hamster."

I never intended to love that little rodent. But it wasn't ultimately my choice. He was irresistible for some reason. The bond he and my daughter made together was what made me love him too. She took good care of him. She cleaned his cage and fed and stroked him. She connected with that little guy and I will miss him so.

Things take time.

Just yesterday I had a phone call returned from a land trust that may be able to help us donate an easement on land we own. To think, it has been more than six years worth of baby steps to arrive to that call. We'll see where it goes from here.

Fish hospice and other pet tales that hurt

In late October we noticed that the spine on our Siamese fighting fish, "Blue-jet," had curved and he could no longer swim up to get his food.

We lowered the water level so that now, with precision pellet placement, Blue-jet manages to clumsily find his food. We also positioned his bowl under an incandescent lamp so that the water would be gently heated 24/7.

This set-up, along with daily cheering for him to "swim" up and grab his pellets, became known as "Fish Hospice."

Blue-jet is two and a half years old now and seems to be doing pretty well.

So, when little one called me at work today with a pain in her voice, "Mom, I think Playful is dead. He is not moving and I don't feel his heartbeat," I was so very sad. In addition to fish hospice, we had said goodbye to our dog of twelve years recently, and had also said goodbye to loved ones, childhood homes, and cities we loved.

"Now, Playful?" I thought. Our sweet 2 1/2 year old hamster from Santa was on deck to go.

When I arrived home, we hurried upstairs. There was Playful, convincingly dead. Both of his eyes were glued shut. He had no quick rise and fall of breath. He was cold to the touch. And showed no sign of reflex. He was completely unresponsive.

I picked him up and noticed a small tremor. I prodded him to check whether I was "seeing" right. Sure enough after a minute or two, just as we were lowering him into his shoe box casket, we determined that perhaps he was still alive.

We took his water bottle out of the cage, filled it with warm water and put it to his lips. After several drops of water to the tongue, he began to show some consciousness. We repeated this step over the course of a couple of hours, with little one on the wood floor under blankets with him, raising his body temp and talking to him.

We then put a salt lick against his teeth and rubbed it back and forth so that something of the mineral might be ingested.

What else?

I checked him over: Cleared his eye discharge with saline, then removed the packed clogs from his bottom. Not fun, but all the while I was aware that I was modeling (on some abstract level) how my daughter might someday react in the face of uncertainty.

I don't know what little one is and isn't learning about life from this experience of loss, but I believe that love is the foundation of the framework. And love is a verb, especially when you are parenting.

Funny thing is, that deep down I believe Playful is dying. In fact, he may already be dead upstairs as I write this out. We have not bottle fed him since 8 PM. Nor has he moved from his cozy spot since we placed him there. We'll see what today brings, and we are prepared to accept it now that we've added our own little comma.

But whatever happens, I'm using the comma to spin the narrative thread colored, "When Playful was dying." I'll take that thread and weave it right into our tapestry of life at home, our life in the world. These murky hues are some of nature's most dramatic colors, after all. And when used sparingly, offsetting a more vital palette of life, aren't things rendered more vivid, perhaps even crystal clear, for a passing moment or two?

Nature, with children

Spring lambing today, out at Lee's farm.

Hard to describe the joy of senses awakened to brisk air, surrounded by new life.

Some bleeting softly. Others preparing to bleed, to birth.

Thinking that a farm is the perfect anecdote to cynicism.

That the circle of life is pretty clear from the stable floor.

Lucky.

15 amazing women in blogging

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15 amazing women in blogging

How to make a Christmas wish list

A long time ago, I learned that I could make the annual Christmas wish list tradition a lot of fun if I got the focus off of gifts and onto values...

First, I picked a date for hot cocoa and wish lists. I set the counter up as I might for a craft project by putting out pencils, erasers, colored markers, catalogs, whole punches, etc.

Second, I showed each of the kids how to start a letter to Santa.

Third, I let the kids draft out their long lists of wishes. They could put anything (and as many things as) they wanted on their lists - no editing or shoulds allowed from mom.

The lists were very long and included big deals such as Guinea Pigs, slide projectors, new bicycles and skateboards, as well as little deals such as lip gloss and candy.

Finally, and this is the magical part, I asked them to take their long lists and to choose something for their head, (books or knowledge-based learning), something for their heart (an animal to love, athletic equipment), something for their hands (yarn for knitting, blocks, or projects to build and cook), and something for our home (a family game, a supply of fancy paper, new pastels).

As the children made trade-offs, I talked to them about balance and about happiness being a sign of a person using many of his or her gifts throughout a lifetime. They seemed to understand the connection, but expect a lot of discussion, negotiation, even some disappointments...

Finally, they wrote up their edited lists on a fresh piece of paper to Santa and decorated it. If there was anything either of them felt really strongly about including (in addition to the 4-Hs), we would just keep talking about it. I even asked them to add one wish for someone else . . . to integrate the idea of charitable giving.

This approach to how to make a Christmas wish list takes time and some thought. But it can help ease the blind consumerism the tradition can bring ... while transforming it into a mini plan.

I like that the kids are learning simple consciousness about their wishes, something I still practice myself. And while they won't get everything on their lists, they deal with the disappointments before Christmas morning. That makes "a little room" for the spirit of Christmas to come in.

A Thanksgiving Ditty and Blessing

May the meal be simple
The affections deep
The clean-up easy
The leftovers keep.

Should the family without
Need a little of yours
May you find the will
To give something, of course.

May our earth spin lovely
Extended in space
May the story of harvest
Bring a welcomed grace

To those far away
from our table this day
may their lives be felt
through the words we say.

Thank you! we are grateful
We are grateful for life.
Thank you! we are grateful
For this day of less strife.

Soldiers and preachers,
Politicians and press
Gather at the table
Take this rest.

Child and mother
Farmer and cook
The day of Thanksgiving
Is here - go. Look.

Let go of drudgery
Let the meal be a feast
On tastes and smells
For the smallest, the least

Serve love, forgiveness
Good pie, good wine.
Gentle perseverance
In these uncertain times.

And tomorrow when memories
are all you can hold
Loosen your grip
And let life unfold...

There is much to learn
And so much to do
Believe in life's goodness
As it comes to you.

----------------

posted by Coco Kraft Thanksgiving morning 2007

World peace: Co-inspiration

I found this quote from Humberto Maturana and had to share it. It is very dense and difficult to get. Please try a couple of times before giving up... Then I challenge you to write the same idea in a Haiku or less.

"When one puts objectivity in parenthesis, all views, all verses in the multiverse are equally valid. Understanding this, you lose the passion for changing the other. One of the results is that you look apathetic to people. Now, those who do not live with objectivity in parentheses have a passion for changing the other.

So they have this passion and you do not.

For example, at the university where I work, people may say, ‘Humberto is not really interested in anything,’ because I don’t have the passion in the same sense that the person (who has) objectivity without parentheses. And I think that this is the main difficulty.

To other people you may seem too tolerant. However, if the others also put objectivity in parentheses , you discover that disagreements can only be solved by entering a domain of co-inspiration, in which things are done together because the participants want to do them. With objectivity in parentheses, it is easy to do things together because one is not denying the other in the process of doing them."

Humberto Maturana - Interview 1985.

Polar bears and puffins: Back home with the kids

Since I hadn't worked for seven years it is unclear what exactly my first contract has taught me other than that I can do it: Arrange the childcare, hold it together, arrive on time, enjoy myself, get paid well, make a contribution to the work of a large office.

Perhaps I should have lounged around today - gone shopping, sat on the couch with Oprah, read, enjoyed how much prettier my home is than my cube at work.

But this week our annual book fair starts. Since I volunteered to run it (again) with my favorite team of ladies (last year) I will not be sitting (at all) until more than $15K worth of $2.99 children's books are sold by Friday evening.

How's that for a healthy transition and giving yourself room to stay in the present? More like what happens when two fronts meet...

On the bright side, it is amazing how we moms can (and do) express aspects of our identities by sequencing in and out of various roles.

Last week I was polishing data, this week I am hauling an enormous polar bear skin and skull in my trunk. They are props for the World Wildlife Fund's polar bears and puffins presentation at Book Fair (Blizzard!) kick-off.

Last week I wondered where to have lunch with colleagues, this week I am wondering what to pack for lunch.

Last week I worried about my colleagues in transition, this week I am worrying that my kids are going too fast on the cool new pedal car our Dutch neighbors loaned them.

It is unexpected that as I write this post, I feel my tone shift from viewing my at-home mom work as part folly, to viewing it, more rightly, as just as good a place as any to practice my talents and interests.

No, I am never paid. I will never like that. But when I arrived at school yesterday and friends that I had only seen in passing since last year stopped to catch up and give me hugs, I felt so lucky to be a part of both worlds. Even my kids came running toward me with arms outstretched when I surprised them by being there at pick up.

I think it is just fine that I am back here for a while.

3 tips for your job search

Last Monday, Coco asked me to write a guest post on what it’s like to be a 20-something woman preparing to have a child in an unstable world. Two days later, I lost my job (as did about 60 of my talented co-workers) due to “restructuring.” This was a blow to my ego and to my three-year pregnancy plan.

I’d assumed that I’d stick it out with the company for at least another year or two, long enough to save for a down payment on a house, launch a freelance career and pop out a kid. The sudden shake-up could put my three-year plan on hold or it could kick it into high gear.

I’ve been up and down all week, feeling relieved (I had been unhappy for several months), angry (how could they do this to me?), worried (how long will it take me to find work?), hurt (I had committed almost two years to this company and for what?) and, finally, excited (now’s my chance to take on new and exciting projects!) — all normal sentiments, I’m told.

Looking for a new job is basically a full-time gig. And when you’re new to a job — as I’m new to the job hunt — you’re bound to learn a few things. Here are three key take-aways from my first week:

1. Loyalty is dead—maybe. “Never believe in the company. The company does not believe in you,” someone wrote last week on Valleywag, a tech industry gossip blog. That’s harsh, but it does ring true. I knew that the days of working for one company were long gone, but I believed in this particular start-up’s mission. And I felt that after devoting two years, I’d feel a little more love.

2. Diversify your skills. Be willing to adapt. But don’t lose sight of what you do best. “People who will succeed and excel over time will be dedicated to the prospect that what they do has value,” Alfred Edmund, editor-in-chief of Black Enterprise, recently told Folio: magazine. I hope he’s right.

3. Find and give support. Did you know that 65 percent of jobs are found through networking? Maybe you did. But this was news to me. Studies show that having strong social ties makes us healthier. And your friends, relatives and colleagues also can help you land your next job.

Women, in particular, need to stick together. So many of us struggle with balancing work and family life. (Yes, men do, too, but I’d argue that this is a bigger issue for us.) And family-friendly workplaces are few and far between these days. We can help one another. If you’re in a position to offer part-time work or job-share opportunities, do! There are a lot of long-hour jobs out there but so few professional part-time positions.

And if you’re hiring, let me know!

Lauren Gamber is a writer and editor living in Cleveland, Ohio. Check out her profile on LinkedIn.

The yoga of flux

Time to finish up with the 4-month contract I took in June. As a launch pad back to work from at-home mothering, it was a good ride. But we had our own version of Black Wednesday last week when 60+ full time staff (mostly exceptional people) were let go. More on that once the shock wears off . . .

For now, I'll add that in addition to learning a bunch of good stuff, catching up on technology innovation, web moves, and interesting social tidbits, I am left with a bewildering sense of flux. It is always good practice to be mindful of flux, but for flux sake, as Tiger Lilly Mazlish says, "Go look for the layer under the top layer and dig in."

What is next is already, and already is in flux too. The yoga of flux is called flow.

Cooking without a recipe

Last night we had friends over. To start, Brooks made yummy pomegranate cocktails (pom, seltzer, triple sec, lemon), then we gathered at the table for a plate of savory, colorful food. I had a lot of fun and since Bettina from Loulie's asked for the recipe, I was flattered and thought I would put it out for her before I forgot ...

Coco's Fish Dish for 6-8

Chop two white onions fine.
Saute in butter and garlic (3-8 cloves, all depends on your mood)
Add a couple of teaspoons of Turmeric, and a teaspoon or so of your favorite pepper. (I used chipotle pepper powder, but you could use another.)
Add salt.
Take two big handfuls of coconut flakes, put them in a strainer and give them a rinse. (I had only sweetened coconut flakes on hand, and since the sweetness would ruin the dish, I gave them a rinse). Drain the coconut flakes well, then add to the saute mixture. Get the heat going up again. Take the pan off the fire before anything starts "browning." If you need more butter, add it.

Pass the saute through the Cuisinart. Add Wolfgang puck's rich veggie stock and heavy cream in roughly equal proportions. Blend until the consistency is like a good milkshake, not runny at all. Add more salt and some pepper.

To finish, take a taste, add something unique like a pinch of aromatic Cardamon powder.

Using a simple Pyrex baking dish, lay out your fish fillets (anything white and somewhat firm, such as haddock, flounder, tilapia). Pour the sauce over the fish. Cover with foil and bake in a 350 oven for as long as it needs ... (I used 10 tilapia fillets, layered in the pan, and I baked the dish for approximately 45 minutes.)

Let the dish set for ten minutes after removing from the over. Then spoon it onto a platter full of hot Basmati rice. Garnish with fresh green cilantro. Serve to people you love and want in your home :)

A note about how I cook:
It is much more fun (but, admittedly, more risky) to put food together like a musician puts together improvisational jazz - with a bunch of instinct and a lot of chaos. If it sounds arrogant, I am sorry, it probably is. But listen, I don't recommend this approach to all and nor do I think the results are always great ... it's just that that's how I roll, and rather than B.S.ing you through a conventional "cooking for friends" blog, that ends up feeling like a Pottery Barn ad, I'll give you a peek at the framework that works for me on a Saturday when friends are coming over. I am no beginner in the kitchen; I've had a lot of training, but I think it's important for us all to learn how to sense our way through cooking dinner just the same way we put outfits together with flair...

More later. Go Red Sox!

Save the wetlands: Our hearts need them

When I think about shifts in my heart, the kind I feel deep down within, I often use the metaphor of wetlands, those mysterious places where water meets land, and life forms get sorted out, purified, then reabsorbed.

Most people misunderstand wetlands; they often downright hate them. I think perhaps we confuse wetlands with wastelands. Whatever the reason, to these folks, bogs are not enchanted, life-filled environments, just pools and puddles of still water for pests to breed.

For me, wetlands capture and express the poetry of a soul's shadowy side; the murky processes of letting go, of reaching forth, of muddling on through.

Cancer isn't fair

Today's guest blogger: Val Jones, MD

Physicians see horrible things, tragic injustices caused by unexpected disease and circumstance. We do what we can to remain compassionate - to be emotionally "present" and yet to keep the professional distance required for our survival and success. It takes courage to set a bone, crack a chest, to do painful procedures to save lives - there must be no hesitation when minutes count.

And I suppose that our saving grace is that the majority of the patients we meet in tragic circumstances are not personally known to us. We appreciate their humanity in a general sense, but are not pierced and incapacitated by a family tie or bond of friendship. We are pained by their suffering - but we can cope.

That is, until we're confronted with a loved one who is thrust into tragedy. Two days ago, a dear friend and former coworker called me to say that she had been diagnosed with colon cancer that had metastasized to her liver. She had just given birth to her first child at age 41. Her only symptom? Post-partum fatigue.

My friend is a health nut and athlete - she has lived the "gold standard" life from a preventive health perspective. I always wanted to be more like her - eating lots of veggies and running regularly. She has been at her target weight all her life, has the occasional glass of wine, and spends much of her free time in community service projects and charity work. She has no history of cancer in her family - they are all hardworking, clean-living types who enjoy long, productive lives.

So when she told me about her advanced disease I almost fell off my chair. How could this happen to her? She is too young! She doesn't fit the right description... Why didn't I catch this sooner? Did she ever give me any hint of a warning symptom?

She told me that after having her baby she just felt really tired and was unable to bounce back as quickly as expected. I was worried about post-partum depression, and she eventually decided to see a family physician about her fatigue. He was unclear as to its root cause, and ordered a broad range of general blood tests - including liver function tests. They turned out to be abnormal, and he inquired as to whether my friend might be a drinker. She denied any such tendencies, so he scheduled an ultrasound. The ultrasonographer noted the appearance of metastatic cancer - she had a CT scan and a colonoscopy to confirm the diagnosis of colon cancer. We were both in shock.

And now as my dear friend faces likely surgeries and chemotherapy, I am witness to her journey - the same one that I've observed in strangers - but this time I have no professional defenses. I will watch as her body is wracked by the disease's treatments, I will understand the individual circumstances behind her bravery, I'll know and feel everything in a personal way that I can't control.

I am about to join the millions of cancer patients and their families on the other side of the examining room. This time I'm not the doctor, I'm the close friend who rages against a disease that is not fair. And I am ready to fight.

Thank you, Dr. Val. Please send an update on your friend soon ...