Saying "know"

Every talented woman I know - and quite a few fabulous men as well - struggle with how and when to say "no." The reasons why this is are well documented, but instead of getting stuck in the mother's hood on this one, let's step out.

I have a catchy new way to say "no."

The idea is simple. When you slow down enough to check in with how you feel, and you "know" the best answer for you is "no," say, "know."

Your answer, "know," will automatically convey the grace and thoughtfulness you desire to show, not the shame, disappointment and judgement you fear you will attract by setting a clear boundary.

This is easier said than done, but if you can be mindful of your intention - to convey sincerity and grace and thoughtful concern for the human being asking something of you - your "know" will only be an act of self love, never a rejection of another person or idea, so check the guilt at the door.

P.S. Those to whom you are saying "know" still may not like it much, but you will be less involved in what they are feeling, so it shouldn't bother you much.

ahh, freedom?


  1. I "Know" what you mean about saying "No" but how does one "know" when to say "No" ? When someone asks something of me that I 'Know" darn well I shouldn't or do not want to do, before I "know" what's happening I'm saying...."yes. yes of course!" .
    I need to "know" when and how to take that pause for reflection when being asked for something. "Know" what I mean?

  2. I know just what you mean! And thank you for writing because everyone else probably has the same question.

    I wish I could say that this process will feel natural to ua all right away. It won't and it takes practice.

    But, as your comment shows, you already know exactly what to do (slow down, think it down the to the bones), and then answer. You just need a bit of support from others who are tired of giving away so much of their energy unconsciously!

    Get support, ask questions, be uncomfortable for a few seconds and see what happens when you say "know." Worst thing that can happen is that you call back and say, "Do you still need me?"

    Enjoy, have fun, write back.