Working mom puts family on her meal plan

I came across this column by Leslie Kaufman, New York Times, when I was online searching for help planning meals. I thought it was smart enough to share out to other working moms and moms who like to keep the cooking simple:

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FOR the past 10 years, I have starred in my own reality series: “Working Mom Cooks Weeknight Dinner.” Think of it as “Survivor” meets “Iron Chef” with a bit of “Deal or No Deal.”

In the show’s long-running history there have been stretches in which the entire tribe was forced to subsist on scrambled eggs, tuna sandwiches and reheated Chinese food. But together we have overcome obstacles, gained wisdom and reached a point where my husband and I and our two boys eat balanced and even inventive home-cooked meals most nights.

This achievement is a bit of a wonder to my peers. So many of them struggle to eat dinner together, often waiting until the last minute to boil pasta and toss it with store-bought sauce or, more likely, dining on the leftover macaroni and cheese the babysitter fed the children. Some friends, otherwise civilized and professional, confess they resort to cold cereal... Read more

Mellow out? Trampoline injuries on the rise . . .

Several wrote in stating that the poll asking "Is it normal for a seven-year-old to jump out of a second story window onto a trampoline?" was so bogus that they refused to vote. Others wrote to say they were too embarrassed to answer "Yes" it's normal behavior... My own opinion is expressed in the two links below:

Trampoline injuries on the rise
The Splintered Mind
Overcoming Neurological Disabilities With Lots Of Humor And Attitude

If your child happens to jump from a second story window onto anything . . . read Ed Hallowell's books on AD/HD.

Postcard: Swiss Alps Jill

Bonjour Coco!

It's Jill, your second-cousin-twice-removed-in-law, from the foothills of the Swiss Alps!

Nancy sent me your link today and I have spent the last hour reading; you are on the way to Tiger-Lily-ness, stay the course my girl. You have got me to thinking about Tiger Lily, and I agree with everything you have reported about her but:

1) Does Tiger Lily "need" an audience, or

2) Is it more true that we "need" Tiger Lily and so she "should" have an audience?

The whole point of Tiger Lily is that she is where she is and regardless of her audience her significance remains.

Perhaps this is one of life's great sadnesses, we don't recognize the richness of our own life and existence on its own merit, it is only when other people give us validation that we feel we have in fact achieved or overcome.

My own "Tiger Lily Dreams" are of myself in great old age, sipping a glass of bordeaux so earthy things are practically growing in it, before me is a view so verdant and pastoral I feel like Little Bo Peep without the spider, and I feel the present more vividly than I ever could in my youth because I know its fleeting.

In this vision, I am rich with experience and bouyed by the love I have felt from those who have touched my life through the years.

I should have an audience, but maybe, because of circumstance or distance, maybe I don't, yet my value remains. . . Of course, this evolution is so far from who I am presently, that I need to make tracks, but the embodiment of this dream is brilliant and shared by so many who don't have an articulate vision...

Tiger Lily warrants every moment I spend reading about her.

Au revoir from Cow Country and I look forward to your next installment.

Jill x

PS The more likely version of my old old age will be of me on the shores of Trout Lake bogarting a can of Schlitz, swatting mosquitos and trying to shock the younger family members with obscene Scrabble words.

Today, it was a total shoe meltdown

Yes, I am still here. Yes, I am back to work. It is going, okay (but that's the median).

My daughter, nine, is at a birthday party tonight. They are having pancakes and watching High School Musical 2. She was looking forward to it very much.

We went to our local toy store for a gift. Our budget for party gifts is always $15-$20, sharp; kid-wrapped with a homemade card. We usually have no trouble with that budget. But today was different. My girl walked up and down the aisles, forlorn, picking out $50 presents for her friend time and time again.

I was no-ing, and suggesting all manner of things when I noticed she was going to tantrum, and burst into tears. She kept saying, "She won't really like that. That's not really her style. I am not really sure that that's her thing."

SOOOOOO complicated, it seemed.

I finally put the whole thing on pause and we left the store. I held onto her little hand gently and blurted, "You are a very good friend. You are thoughtful, you are happy for her birthday. (Long silence, quiet tears followed.) What is troubling you? Are you worried that your friend won't like you if you do not give her a very big, special present?"

She was silent. I added, "I don't think Z gave you a present last year at your party. And, come to think of it, I don't think that Z ever thanked you for that monogrammed headband you carefully picked out for her birthday last year." (All true, I might add).

"I know," she said. "She never said that she liked it either."

I started to get it. "So, why are you concerned about the gift you give your friend today?"

She could not answer.

"Let's keep it simple and fun. Can you let mommy take care of it for you?"

Not sure...

Several hours later, she decided it was time to dress for the party. She came down in a wild, mismatched outfit. The outfit felt confused and it was then an idea sprang out for me.

My daughter was working overtime to impress a friend she really wasn't sure she even liked . . .

When I told her the outfit was a little out of sorts for the occasion (not exactly like that) she burst into tears about the fact that she only has "high heels" (a.k.a., Mary Janes) for winter and since it was nearly 100 degrees outside, and I would not let her wear them, the whole outfit was ruined!

She cried for one half an hour.

She isn't deprived, but she felt a deficit . . . Z is a girl she likes a lot but who doesn't really pay much attention to her.

I figured it needed to run its course and she'd come out of it just fine. I was right.

Thirty minutes later when I went upstairs to see how she was doing, she had on the most natural, pretty party outfit ever: a soft three-tiered peasant skirt in chocolate brown, a gently faded pink tank top, and lovely, simple pink-sequined flip-flops. Her face was washed, her hair in a ponytail. She was plenty: Herself through and through.

We took a hard cover book from her shelf, wrapped it up and got her to the party on time.

Saying "know"

Every talented woman I know - and quite a few fabulous men as well - struggle with how and when to say "no." The reasons why this is are well documented, but instead of getting stuck in the mother's hood on this one, let's step out.

I have a catchy new way to say "no."

The idea is simple. When you slow down enough to check in with how you feel, and you "know" the best answer for you is "no," say, "know."

Your answer, "know," will automatically convey the grace and thoughtfulness you desire to show, not the shame, disappointment and judgement you fear you will attract by setting a clear boundary.

This is easier said than done, but if you can be mindful of your intention - to convey sincerity and grace and thoughtful concern for the human being asking something of you - your "know" will only be an act of self love, never a rejection of another person or idea, so check the guilt at the door.

P.S. Those to whom you are saying "know" still may not like it much, but you will be less involved in what they are feeling, so it shouldn't bother you much.

ahh, freedom?

Food and Healing

Ten years ago I became interested in Annemarie Colbin's book, Food and Healing and studied it with my friend, Eliza. We even traveled to New York to study with her at her school, Natural Gourmet Cooking Institute

A hefty, information-packed read, Annemarie became our third wheel, and we loved giving each other her take on what food and nutrition meant in our late twenty-something lives: "Did you try a lick of Umeboshi plum for that headache?" and, "What does it mean to feel expansive?"

Eliza and I lived in Cambridge, Massachusetts, in small, adorable apartments with new husbands. Our local food shops were a co-op, a small Bread and Circus on Prospect, and a large Bread and Circus on Alewife. We ran four or five times a week, for 4-6 miles each time. I never felt so healthy, even though I could still recite a long list of things that needed to change in my life . . .

When I became pregnant, which was right at the tail end of the Annemarie craze, I felt so lean and intimately connected with my body that I swore I could "feel" the fertilization of my egg in the moment it was happening. (Apparently, many people report this.)

Gradually, but I cannot put my finger on when, I moved away from Annemarie's teachings and let go of a lot of what I had learned about me and food. And when I moved away from Eliza, down to D.C., for whatever reason, my eating habits became retro and I found myself craving things like Twinkies and meatballs, and coke.

The result? Extra weight. Ten or so pounds of stubborn, heavy molecules that I have to carry around, dress, and tolerate or get rid of. I don't like those characters, but they are part of me. They take up a lot of room in my life, triggering lots of self-condemnation, feelings of powerlessness, and premature aging . . .

There has been much discussion about how obesity is social and is "passed" from friend to friend. I think healthy lifestyles are too. Without a good friend, what fun is it to learn about something so specific as Macrobiotics? Without a good friend, what fun is it to train for a long run? And without a good friend, what fun is it to eat?

I miss Eliza. I don't know if she's reading, but if she is, hey girl, thanks for making that such a rich few years. Let us know where you are with your Food and Healing journey. . .

I pulled my tattered copy down yesterday. The memories came with one glance at the Star of Seasonal Eating, the report on the standard American diet, the lists of foods and their traits from expansive to contractive. I think the book will be at my bedside table for months now.

I just wish my friend were around the corner again, too.

If you want to explore one of the best references on food and health that I've ever looked at, check out Food and Healing . The paperback version is under $15.

Child care gaps

I have a decision to make about how we will transition from summer nanny to after school care.

My dream is that my mother (who loved and challenged her grandchildren ) lived nearby and was enthusiastic about providing care for the children at market rate. But mom lives in Florida.

So, with a bit of compromise thrown in my dream leans toward an organic arrangement with a friend who needs what I need, and has an interest in grouping our children together so that:

• the children build friendships/flexibility/resiliency
• we share expenses
• we fill one of our empty houses up with life after school
• we become better friends through the exercise
  

I'd like to hear how others have walked through these choices. In particular, I want to know if you think there is a child care gap? Is there room for a model that is in-between at-home mom/family member, "Aftercare," and nanny? What does the model look like?

Please post a comment or send e-mail to: christine.kraft@gmail.com

Fat Summer

Still water. A nearly full moon. A hamster with pinkeye. Fresh basil.

Recent news suggests that obesity is passed from friend to friend. I say most things are passed from friend to friend, so why not that? Why the hell not a drive toward eating, or a love of smokes, or zest for scaling mountains?

Exactly how ARE we wired? Most people believe that our habits are learned, reinforced, then reinforced again. If we have a bad habit our options are to get to revising it; relearn, practice, practice. Become.

An elegant idea that just doesn't seem to work.

So what to do with news that heavy people are heavy because their friends are heavy also? "Fatties seek fatties, it's cultural," some might say. Others prefer something softer, such as: "What a shame, how hopeless." And then the do-good extroverts will chime in, "We have to do something about this!"

But one small lonely voice might be heard whispering: "I knew they would finally understand. This is bigger than me!" And some relief may - for a moment - ripple through that soul's giant body.

Obesity is a global economic force. In fact, while most of us look at obesity as a tragic, life burden, I wonder if our b/w lens of judgement isn't missing the point entirely.

Could obesity actually be about acquiring social power? Much like currents deep down in our oceans, human affiliations move dynamically and always toward connectedness. The current of obesity is one rip, and I'd like to shift my lens to bring into focus what being obese accomplishes for the millions labeled as such.

Like the ocean depths, there must be something to it that we just can't yet see...

Postcard: West Coast T

Okay, we are too far out of touch. YOU ARE BACK AT WORK???? WHAT JOB?????
Congrats. I can't wait to hear all about it.

Feeling lousy, lonely, unable to do a single thing "right." Can I be
post-partum 7 1/2 yrs into this endeavor?

Otherwise things are great -- how's that for a postcard?

Love, T

Red Whine

Just "cycling" on through...can ya dig it?

Postcard: Eliza from Boston

What do aging, physically talented women do for kicks? I consider myself one of the above, but had somehow reached 40 not knowing how to dive. My project this summer, in addition to learning how to use a sewing machine, was to learn to dive. It was thrilling for me to learn, but also great for Aidan to watch me learn something that comes so naturally for him and his friends. I say that for kicks we take on new challenges, big or small. There are lessons in the process for everyone.

Love,

eliza

p.s. tried to post as a comment but couldn't.

Postcard: Aunt Nancy from Florida

Hi Coco Kraft!

Just read your blog and laughed myself silly! Just loved your newest fashion statement for "back to work wear". That's what you get for deciding to spend six important years with your two beautiful children-you become the mother of invention, have lots of ingenuity, guts, flexibility and have learned how to just go with the flow and let it roll! Corporate life could never teach you all of that in six short years!
You are the best and I am so proud of your accomplishments. Your writing is unbelievable; funny, insightful, raw, and well written. Please make sure that you send your blog to Jill Patton because I know she would get a big kick out of your stories. She writes so much like you and could be a great asset to your column.

We missed you and your family at the Deep last week, but perhaps you'll be able to join us next year. I would love to post on your blog, that is, if my retired brain ever comes up with an original or insightful thought. Thanks for your concern re: my knee. I will give you an update when I get some news. Its really hard to grasp the concept that my body is just not as good as it used to be, when my mind keeps telling me that I get better every year! Is that delusional thinking or just wishful dreaming?

Well Sweetie, please give the children and Brooks a hug for me. Enjoy this new phase in your life and try to stop and smell the roses once in awhile. That's what really makes life worth living; its the small things, especially in nature, that replenish our souls.

Love you,
Nancy

On a wetlands shoot at dawn

location: Southampton, NY

Cowgirls and Cow Birds

Daniel, my son age 6, recently spotted the arrival of rather dull, brownish/gray, ground-feeding birds with no song of note in the mix of our Hummingbirds, Goldfinches, Cardinals and house finches.

This bird was about 7" tall when mature, but over these last few weeks we had encountered many immature birds of the same markings scattered in the broods of our baby finches and chickadees, as they trained with their parents. It was strange to see such a big baby in the mix.

The dull birds were more aggressive than the finer, more colorful birds we typically attract, and they were much dirtier (i.e. bird poop everywhere all of the sudden). These birds had no obvious trait of adoration that we could relate to, other than they are part of the grand scheme of nature and deserve our respect.

"What's going on?" we had been wondering for weeks.

Finally, we pulled out the books and charts, located a picture of the bird we thought we were seeing and were amazed to learn that this so-called "Cow Bird" is the only parasitic bird in the state of Maryland. The description went on to inform us that Cow Birds never build nests. Instead, they lay eggs in the nests of others with the expectation that these birds will raise their young. 

Usually, that is exactly what happens, sometimes even at the expense of the hard-working nested bird's own young!

At our local bird store we confirmed what we had learned. Two options were offered to us as ways to stop attracting Cow Birds: 1) stop feeding all of the birds, and 2) feed millet to the Cow Birds to keep them in a specific area of the yard.

I am not sure what we'll decide to do.

Ten observations from the on-ramp back to work:

Five changes in office culture since I left work in 2001:

1. Men use hair products.
2. Coffee comes in pods.
3. IM has replaced face-time.
4. I am older.
5. Microsoft Outlook is better.

Five things that have not changed:

1. Well-conceived business plans are hard to find.
2. Too many cc:s on e-mail.
3. Content remains "King."
4. Vacation is infrequent.
5. Good childcare is ridiculously hard to find.